its been a while...

its time once again .. for me to ramble on abt my life in this weblog...

well..i recently traveled from the eastern to the southern parts of my country n them came back to my home town.. n believe me.. there's nothing like home! i din like either of the places too much n i love it back in the capital of the country where even tho everything is in a big mess, wat with the government siphoning off funds and the rain gods showing no mercy on our city lands and showing no interest in our forest and agricultural lands... but with all of it flaws i still love the place... n with all of its restrictions i still love living with my grandparents... its atleast better than living with my parents i feel... but that maybe becoz my parents live in a village in the far east!

i hv zilh freedom or privacy here.. only in the nights duriing weekdays between 930 and 11pm wen my grandfolks are too busy watching tv, do i get any freetime or private time.. thats the time i utilize to read my books or blabber like i am right now or write to my sweetheart...

he just got one of my letters for the 1st time today but it wsnt the first letter i sent to him... i hope he gets the chronologically correct from now on..

so now i hv settled down here.. in the city where my heart belongs.. for which reason i don know... i hv recently acquired a respectable job here.. hv a good place to live(grandfolks').. will always hv food anytime im hungry without needing to go to a restaurant! n hv a few frnds scattered around the city!

i also got a new mobile number.. one that works anywhere in the house so i cn talk to anyone.. anytime.. but i feel like testing his patience ... i wont give him my number for sometime... i want to know wat heights he cn go to to get my number..... lets see how he finds out.. or do i just give up and give it to him...

anyways.. i will get back to u all soon.. m a little messed up in my head right now..

take care all!

trust..?

dunno who to trust anymore?! my mom spends all her time pretending she doesnt kno anything abt me and the one day she come out and tell me my inner most secret as if she knew it all along! one of my best friends took 2 months to tell me abt the happiest moments of her life after everyone else!

why cnt people just come out in the open and share things? their feelings.. im a very open person but this world is making me hide and inhibit my very personality, my inner most being... and i HATE IT!!!

Happy independence day

well hello there!

today being 15th august 2010 is india's 64th independence day! so im sharing this one picture with you that really says something for me today.

i saw this movie today ( actually ive just seen half of it n i have another half remaining) called "Vijeta" made in 1982, its pretty brilliant (so far) and u cn watch it online on bharatlover which is where im watching it and let me warn u that if ure not logged in of watever then after 72 mins of video u hv to wait for 54 mins (which is wat im doing right now) to watch another 72 mins ... so yeah that sucks a bit.

its a movie abt a lost teenager who joins the indian defense services into the air force.

and it strongly reminded me of him, as u cn well imagine. i really miss him especially wen i see a movie like this and actually see the tough times in life he must be gng thru.:'( well anyways u wont understand who im talking abt so ill talk to him directly

anyways just wanted to tell u guys that i hd my own cake today after noon after lunch n puked it out ... i don kno why! maybe it ws too heavy for my dieting stomach!

love ya

cook book

i tried to bake a cake today! it ended up tasting super awesome but not looking the best.. i took the recipe from nigella .. the butter filling turned out to be very vulnerable to heat and melted away to glory as soon as i put the other cake on top of it! :( then i had to remove that cake ( which broke it bit from the sides) cut the top off the bottom cake n put the butter paste on it again n then but the top cake n immediately shipped it off to the fridge!.

it still in the fridge as i type and im waiting for the chocolate sauce to cool down well enuf to avoid any further disasters! i keep gng back every 5 mins o check the temp of the sauce and to stir it up so that it doesn't solidify..

ive been watching alot of cooking shows lately. i don kno if that's becoz of the fact that a lot of cooking shows have started airing on tv more frequently than before.. wat with Australia's top chef and kylie wong on tlc, and other such shows. plus there is this other stupid show on tlc called "man v/s food". that guy is going to die soon!

ever since ive started to cut down my food intake a bit, anyone who eats more than necessary(which is almost EVERYONE) i feel is going to die soon! weird how man's mind works.

plus i saw julie and julia the other day and i really got inspired for cooking and blogging both. but don worry im not going to make my blog abt only cooking. i plan to write abt everything!

this cake was made for my mom's birthday , with her help, with me shouting at her (according to her)

kafi destruction hua. i am going to criticize myself a bit here. why did i take a picture from the most destroyed side? i cudve taken a pic from one of the rounder sides. also why din i bother to clean the edges of the plate wen my mom specifically told me to do so wen i ws getting the camera to click it. i think i kno but i wont say.

ok im off for now. later.

crossroads

soo much to say an yet i blog so rarely. .. today, after keeping so much inside me for almost an year, i came back to see whether im still enlisted here n i read a comment from him posted almost 6 months back n it ws so sweet and loving that i almost started crying!

so wierd and it always happens to me wenever im alone i hv so much to say and wenever its time to finally say then im always at a loss for words! always happens..without fail!

like right now .. :s

im at a crossroads in life with a lot of options, some that i hv the courage to take up but not necessarily the interest and others that i wud really like to explore but not the courage to do so.

i don kno how to talk to ppl.. n this end up hurting or distancing myself from most of them. this is y i ve also never had any solid bff-ships with anyone and i really miss it.

i also don understand ppl who are always so positive. abt their failures, abt their "settled for" achievements. ..always soo happy and proud of themselves. im a pessimist. n mostly abt myself. a classic case of showing myself down to everyone. i don kno if its a low self esteem issue or wat but i don kno how to rectify it.

I however am fortunate enuf to have that one person in life who is supposed to love me n cherish me for all my goods and bads, ups n downs. n no i hvnt married him yet.. but hope to ..one day ..

n yes i am going to rant abt myself only ... mostly.. in my posts becoz as i said before, this is the only place where i cn speak abt myself. share my feelings.. tell u, whoever u are, if u exist at all or not, abt myself and my feelings... im no writer... so i probably wont be able to enchant anyone with my carefully threaded words.. so im just gng to be me n spills my guts here...


image courtesy: http://www.robduarte.com/crossroads.html

this day is going horribly worng! n ure not here to help me out!! y do u always do this???

Love-Hate Relationship

its really funny..how i seem to hate everyone... i remeber my first best frnd.. i was in 4th clas..v hated each other like cats n dogs an year before v became frnds ..i don remeber the reason y there was so much red between us at the time.... maybe v had some conflict of interest.... she used to b my junior n her mother my class teacher but v were smart enuf to keep our hatered away from the teachers..... anyway an year later i had to repeat my class coz i ws "under aged"(smarter than i shud b i wud like to think of it as) n then unfournately v were in the same clas...known enemeies in the same clas!!! imagine that....she had a best frnd who ws also frnds wid me...she ws a parsi...now some how(n i really don remeber how) one fine day me n my worst enemy became frnds n v started cutting out the parsi...i refer to her as the parsi coz that was her most distinguishing factor rite now n i really don wanna take names....

we were best frnds in all aspects...v hung out together all the time...all that but most of all, v even developed a secret language!! it ws quiet simple really...v just reversed everyword wen we spoke or wrote it but v managed to puzzle everyone in class....now this language ws only between the two of us....n the parsi did not know it...this really used to piss her off....n somehow v used to enjoy that fact every much.... i regret it now...maybe it scarred her...maybe it din...but i still remember the kind of anger n hatred she used to feel wen v wud knowingly speak in our secret language in front of her saying non-sensicle things just to make her angry...i don understand again how v ended up hating her....she wasnt very bad a person after all...quiet disticnt somehow if i may say so...

this " best friend" of mine was perfect in almost all aspects.. v had all the same interests...r knowledge level was almost the same...all aspects but one...she enever came to my home....i remember treading the high hill upto her house or sometimes gng thru the back not-so-safe-but-less-steep route to her house every evening to play ...v played the same games at the same times..... but it puzzeled me y i always had to go to her place....n she never came to mine..... her mom ws always there wen i went over.....n then wen her dad got posted out she left widout a single goodbye...nothing exchanged....the only thing i remember about her now is her name...n i often think of her